Category: Personal

Ways I Encountered God During My Sabbatical (and Key Lessons Learned)

My 6-month sabbatical, which concludes July 8, has been a rich, fulfilling time of rest, rejuvenation, and restoration. I am so grateful that InterVarsity has both the systems and structures that allow for sabbatical, as well as the culture that supported me in taking it. It’s hard to summarize 6 months of experiences in one document, and it’s possible that some realizations will only emerge after more time has passed, but here is my current list of highlights. At the end are the main lessons that I learned that I hope to bring forward with me after I return to work. 

Ways I encountered God

Time with kids:

  • Told numerous Bible stories to Luke per his request! Luke’s favorites involved Jesus calming the storm and appearing to the disciples after his resurrection. 
  • Having a solo week with Luke while Liz was away with Ellie. We were able to eat dinner at a farmer’s market, had lunch at a Nepalese restaurant, hiked along a stream, and ate ice cream
  • Was able to be fully present with kids when they were sick and stayed home from daycare
  • Spent significant time with Ellie every Tuesday and Wednesday. We often went to the library or to the Dickinson art gallery. 

In Church:

  • Being able to fully engage with and enjoy a small group and the Alpha course
  • Having a deeper sense of community with the diverse people who attend our church
  • After a sermon series about loving one’s neighbors, intentionally taking Luke with me to hand out cookies and donuts to our nearby neighbors—discovering that 3 people who attend our church also live on our block! 

Spiritual Reflection:

  • Met with a spiritual director each month
  • Journaled regularly
  • Took a total of 10 Retreat Days, mostly at Stillwater Retreat center in Carlisle

Reading and writing: 

  • Read ~35 books, especially books that covered topics like power, politics, and faith
  • Read through old journals from 2008-2013, seeing in the pages how I grew as a person and as a follower of Jesus. I saw how angsty and insecure I was when I was younger, and how I slowly grew more confident and secure as God kept leading me forward. 
  • Wrote ~15 blogs about faith, philosophy, politics, and even Star Wars!
  • Created a 9-week small group Bible study guide on the theme of “Politics in the Bible”
  • Listened to the Good Faith podcast and the Bible Project podcast

Outdoor activity:

  • Skied at Roundtop Mountain on 7 occasions, despite the limited snow this winter
  • Hiked at White Rocks, Pole Steeple, Oppossum Lake, Kings Gap, Letort Stream, Waggoner’s Gap
  • Kayaked on the Conodoguinet and canoed in the Poconos
  • Sat on the beach at Fuller Lake

Conversations with friends:

  • In person visits with Jason & Megan, Andrew & Sam, Neil, Mark, Kirk, Jeff & Sam, Ian, Steve & Meg, Joanne, Emery, Sean & Nicole Tim, Ryan, Colin, Grace, Rella, and many others
  • Phone calls with Betsy, Rob, Avi, Lauren, Tom, and many others

At home:

  • Set up a basement “lair” for myself to retreat to 
  • Was able to enjoy cooking more frequently and thinking through more elaborate meals
  • Hired a construction company to tear down our old fence and build a new one 
  • More meaningful time with Liz

Travel:

  • Trip with Liz to Stasbourg, France for a wedding. Had an Airbnb overlooking what had been the tallest cathedral in Europe, and had time to explore numerous old streets, churches, and architecture
  • Family vacation in the Poconos right on a gorgeous lake
  • Trips to Longwood Gardens 
  • Trip to Newburgh for Memorial Day
  • Upcoming trip to Massachusetts 
View of the Notre Dame Cathedral in Strasbourg, France

Lessons Learned During Sabbatical

1. I should pay more attention to my feelings and desires, rather than ignoring them. They often point to a helpful next step. Over sabbatical I got better at listening to my body and soul. When I felt lonely, I reached out to a friend. When I felt hungry, I made sure to find something I wanted to eat. When I felt sick, I took it easy and rested. When I felt bored, I left the house to run errands or went on a hike. When I return to work I want to make sure I keep listening to my own feelings and desires and responding accordingly. 

2. I can have confidence and security in myself as I build my life on Jesus. I don’t have to be anxious, worried, or panicked even if others are, because I know where my foundation is. On the flip side, I don’t have to get sucked into thinking the grass would always be greener if something about my situation changed. God has brought me step by step to this current location, life, family, and career, and I must continue to be grateful and intentional in all of those things, trusting him to keep leading me.  

3. Institutions, organizations, and systems of power matter a lot, but the way Christians interact in them should be different compared to others. A Christian should long for a slow and steady influence over a longer amount of time, rather than trying to achieve a flashy big impact all at once. Similarly, the best way to change culture is not just to critique it, but to create more of it. And lastly, as intense as this political moment is right now, Millennials such as myself should not burn ourselves out trying to fix everything right now. We need to be preparing ourselves and our own institutions for what’s going to come in the next 20-30 years, when we enter senior leadership and become the next generation of leaders.

4. Do not ignore the Holy Spirit and prayer. Through reading books and reflecting on my own experiences, it becomes more and more clear to me how important it is to be aware of the reality of the spiritual realm and the power of God in bringing hope and healing. One move of the Holy Spirit it worth 50 attempts solely in my own power. 

Top 3 Books I’ve Read So Far in 2023

Sabbatical has allowed me much more time to read, a hobby I’ve always loved but often don’t set aside time for. Here are some of my favorite books I’ve read this sabbatical. I’m also trying out these “Amazon Affiliate” links; if you end up purchasing a book using my link below, I earn a small commission. (Not sure how I feel about Amazon on the whole but thought it’s worth a try.)

Babel: Or the Necessity of Violence: An Arcane History of the Oxford Translators’ Revolution, by RF Kuang – 4.5 /5 stars

This is a work of historical fiction with fantasy elements, taking place in the mid-1800s at the height of Britain’s power. A young man named Robin is brought from his native China to the Babel Institute in England, where he discovers that words have power – in a very literal sense! But as he learns more about how the British Empire uses the work of translation to advance its own interests, he becomes conflicted, ultimately getting caught up in an anti-colonial uprising. I thoroughly enjoyed this book, which felt sometimes like a combination of Harry Potter (a young boy heading to university), Star Wars, and some other young adult adventure stories.

Interestingly enough, Kuang’s larger point about the dangers of empire and speaking a single language track exactly with the main points I made in this blog post from a few years ago. As a very talented young woman of color, Kuang’s writing and main critique ring powerfully, and I’m excited for her continued development as an author. The only issue I have with this book is that some of the phrasings feel a bit contemporary, as if the conversations the characters have about race, class, and empire happen in the 2020s instead of the 1820s. Perhaps that is an intentional choice by Kuang, but at times it brought me out of the flow of the story. That never lasted long though, as the well-paced narrative would immediately draw me back in.

The Other Half of Church: Christian Community, Brain Science, and Overcoming Spiritual Stagnation by Wilder & Hendricks – 4 / 5 stars

This book had been strongly recommended to me by numerous people, and so I was delighted to receive it from a friend. The authors explain with simple terminology and concepts drawn from cutting-edge neuroscience research that most of the discipleship that occurs in the (white, American) Church only engages the “left” side of our brains–the realm of intellect, information, and beliefs. While important, the reality is that we are whole-brained creatures who need to be engaged with our full brains. The right side of the brain in particular is the one that engages with community, emotions, and subconscious identity. A church that fails to address the right side of the brain will lead to at best shallow discipleship, and at worst narcissism, unaddressed trauma, and toxic communities. Wilder and Hendricks give concrete stories, examples, and practices for how to cultivate love-filled communities where people can engage with their whole selves. I think this is a great work for Church leaders to read, especially in groups where some of the practices can be tried out.

My one issue about this work is that, as a book with some advanced words and concepts, it often seems a bit left-brained oriented itself! And often many of the solutions that are suggested also feel left-brained, such as the suggested trainings, assessments, and checklists. Perhaps this approach is what is needed for the American Church to take this neuroscience research seriously. But I wonder if a more right-brained approach to discipleship might also emphasize different solutions, like hours-long dinner parties, charismatic worship nights, long hikes in the wilderness, or story-telling around the campfire. That’s messier and harder to quantify, but that feels like the approach Jesus took with many of his followers.

Backpacking with the Saints by Belden Lane – 5 / 5 stars

Most books I read quickly, scarcely finishing one paragraph before I’m already halfway through the next one. But this book forces me to go slow, every line carefully crafted and daring. In fact, I’m only about a quarter of the way through, but it’s already been one of my favorite books this sabbatical. Lane connects the spiritual practice of wilderness hiking to the lives and wisdom of ancient saints, particularly the Desert Fathers. As someone who appreciates hiking, reading this book makes me want to strap on my backpack and just disappear for a few days into the hills. Lane’s prose is provocative and vulnerable, calling us back to the wild that our ancestors knew so well but that modern humans rarely experience unmediated. To be without wilderness is to be less vulnerable, less open to awe, less in tune with our bodies and surroundings, less present — in short, to be without wilderness is to be simultaneously less human and less divine. Lane’s work points us back to nature and to the God who created it to remind us that the universe is so much bigger than us.

Race, Patriotism, and the Nation State

[Originally published on my old blog on April 25, 2011, this essay was written partially in response to a class assignment. I have reposted it here without edits.]

Yesterday I was sitting in the Piazza del Duomo in Milan, Italy. It was a warm and lively evening, as hundreds of people milled about with their beer and gelatos. Meanwhile, the dominating white edifice of the Duomo Cathedral hung over everything, its stained glass windows lit from within. My attention was distracted from it, however, by the bright rocket/helicopter toys that street vendors would launch into the night sky to attract the lustful eyes of children. Over and over the toys flew through the air like shooting stars…(or like flares announcing the start of war? I can see the soldiers leaping from their trenches into the maw of the machine guns, their blood spilling upon the soil that is undistinguishable but for the fact that it is their soil, for their nation…).

Over the past few weeks I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of race and nationhood. The mythology of the Romantics and fascists alike is powerful: that people form discreet groups or ethnicities based upon a homeland (and therefore usually also a language, history, and set of stories). Germany for the Germans, France for the French, Italy for the Italians, Israel for the Jews… The implication of this is that these people groups each have an essential, eternal, almost spiritual identity, not an artificial one created through normal processes of history.

            This was very clear to me yesterday when I went to an art and history exhibit about Italy’s wars for independence (their 150th year as a nation is this year). While I couldn’t understand all of the Italian in the descriptions, what I gathered was quite patriotic. The Italians fought for their land against the French and Prussians, with a common ethnicity, language, music, and colors binding them together. By blood and force the new nation had been forged.

But after World War II, it seemed that the concept of the nation-state had been dealt a deathblow. The radical fascism of Italy and Germany had proved disastrous, so most of the world united around universal values instead of the nation-state. The Western bloc chose the values of political freedom and sought to promote those, the Eastern bloc chose economic freedom from the claws of capitalism.

But meanwhile, hidden beneath the tide of universal values that rose up in the post-war period, one anomaly entered the system. The nation of Israel was founded, a homeland for the Jews scattered around the world. Finally, after 2000 years, the Jews would no longer be a minority in other lands! The verse I’ve heard applied by Israel’s founders comes from 1 Samuel 8:5, where the Jews want to be “like all other nations” (The fact that this displeased God is ignored). However, established in its founding charter as a “Jewish, democratic state”, Israel has sacrificed some democratic values to preserve its Jewish character, for example by forbidding non-Jews from immigrating and by banning non-Jews from getting married. Thus I believe that while Israel is obviously quite democratic compared to its Arab neighbors, it is not an American-style democracy. It is a Jewish nation-state with many democratic tendencies.

This has many interesting implications besides the marriage and immigration limitations mentioned above. A one-state solution in the Palestinian-Israeli conflict is no longer on the table because high Arab birthrates mean that there would be too many in the “Jewish” state. This also reveals itself in a well-documented bureaucratic effort to keep Palestinians from ‘taking over’ Jerusalem. Building permits for expansions of housing or schools are usually denied to Palestinians in East Jerusalem, while almost always approved for Jews. The result is over-crowding and poverty for these families in East Jerusalem, or else being forced into the even poorer cities Ramallah or Bethlehem.

 However, any Jew who questions any of Israel’s policies as unbefitting of a democratic state is labeled by many as a “self-hating Jew”. Why? Because by not supporting these policies of excluding non-Jews, they are undermining the concept of a solely Jewish state. Once that concept is gone, the theory goes, Jews will once again have nowhere to be safe and will inevitably face another Holocaust, one that will wipe them out for good. This is the basis I’ve heard over and over of all the fears of losing Israel’s solely Jewish character. So thus the ‘self-hating Jew’ is thought of in Zionist and neo-Zionist thought as an anti-Semite, therefore on the side of those who wish to complete Hitler’s Final Solution.

In fact, merely by writing this blog and other blogs that are mildly critical of one or two of Israel’s policies (such as the Security Barrier built on Palestinian land that economically crushes Palestinians), I have been personally called out for in essence being an anti-Zionist (AKA an anti-Semite). The fact that some people label would place me in the same camp as the Nazis is a bit scary and shows that no middle ground currently exists in the minds of modern-day Zionists. “Either you are with us or you are against us.” In their view, criticisms by leftist Jews or neutral people like me, intended to help Israel become an even better nation, must be completely silenced lest they serve as moral ammunition to the Hitlers who wait at the doorstep.

But perhaps, we see recently that Israel’s nationalist policies are not that deviant. Throughout the West there is now a trend towards preserving the “nation” from those “outsiders” who threaten it. In France and Germany, PMs Sarkozy and Merkel have each proclaimed that “multiculturalism has failed”. Throughout Europe, racism abounds against Muslim and African immigrants who threaten their singular national character. In France Muslim headscarves are banned, while racist parties gain power in Denmark and Switzerland. Goodbye freedom; hello nationalism.

To what extent is ultra-nationalism present in America? We see it in fears against Mexican immigrants and the need to preserve jobs for “true” Americans. That’s interesting because America is one of the few states in the world that was not founded on a singular nation of people. A mix of Europeans created a state built on the theory of freedom for all, regardless of race or religion. But perhaps America is in fact a nation like all other nations; the only difference being the rationale given for waging war. Instead of for a given “nation”, we wage war for “freedom”. Same violent results.

            Is there an answer? Must every group of humans necessarily become violently exclusionary to preserve it’s own identity? How does this apply to me as a Christian? If you’ve talked to me about these types of issues within the past year or so, I think you can guess what my solutions might entail. Hint: they do not involve a Church with political power. Instead, there must be a Church that is anti-political, on the side of the excluded, the lepers, the poor, the shunned. NOT to empower the outsiders politically, as that would ultimately lead to the same problem. But we are only called to love them, free them, and be among them.

(On a side note, I am frustrated by Christians who worry constantly about the direction America is heading politically. They’re afraid of the wrong things! The soul of a single person is infinitely more important than whether America continues to have Christian bling like Ten Commandment displays, “in God we trust” coins, or “under God” in the Pledge of Allegiance. I hate to say it, but America is not eternal. The soul of every single person is. So unless one thinks that angrily fighting gay marriage tooth and nail will somehow lead people to God, then one is fighting the wrong battles.)

Pardon me for the tangent. The conclusion to this long essay is that there is a way to avoid the temptations of nationalism. Nationalism is beautiful, and patriotism is surely a more beautiful idol to worship than drugs, alcohol, or sex. But for that reason it’s much more deadly. Thus we must renounce the nation state and choose to live in the world but not of it. To always challenge the systems of power that dominate and exclude. To unconditionally love the rejected.

I don’t believe in the myth of the Nation State anymore. And it saddens me to see that the Jews, God’s chosen people, have chosen to go the route of all other nations instead of deciding to be different, a light to the rest of the world. “It is not you they have rejected as their king, but me,” God says to Samuel (1 Sam. 8:7). The desire for a supposedly secure homeland trumps the desire to be uniquely God’s people, showing compassion to others.

May Christians not follow into the same error, and repent if they already have.

Carlisle Truth & Reconciliation Commission – Part 2.

About two years ago, I wrote a blog post regarding the proposal for a Carlisle Truth & Reconciliation Commission (TRC), generally advocating for the creation of this TRC and sharing a few potential concerns. Last week, the Commission released a 19-page report with a summary of their findings and a number of suggestions for moving forward. You can read more about the report by clicking here, and you can view the full 19-page report below.

TRC-Report-to-Carlisle-Borough-CouncilDownload

I have a few quick thoughts in response to the TRC’s report. I’ll start with the things that I think it does really well.

-I think the TRC did an excellent job with the report given the time and energy that they had available (and I’m not just saying that because my friend Raz was on the team). The level of detail, suggestions, and concepts covered in the document show the team worked hard and covered a lot of ground, despite having some turnover within the team.

-I think the Carlisle TRC also did a good job in not exceeding their mandate; the suggestions all seem fairly reasonable, doable, and germane to the limitations of a small town like Carlisle. It might have been tempting to get bogged down into bigger national political conversations like reparations for slavery, reproductive health, or voting rights access, but the TRC wisely focused on issues within the jurisdiction of Carlisle and within the purview of the Carlisle Borough Council.

-I think the suggestion that the TRC become a permanent standing committee (similar to the Climate Action Committee) is a also wise one. There is a lot more that could be said and suggested that isn’t in this report, and there will only continue to be more issues that arise in the coming years and decades in Carlisle. (For example, racial justice might demand a new lens as our Borough incorporates hundreds of new refugees from various countries, who may or may not fit into the major pre-existing racial categories).

-I am glad the TRC did take time and space to discuss the injustices suffered by Native Americans in Carlisle and at the Carlisle Indian School. As I wrote 2 years ago, it was one of my concerns that this issue would be neglected and I’m glad to see it was not.

Now, I do have a few small concerns/lingering questions with the TRC’s report.

-As a lover of history, one thing that is not as present as I might have expected is some of the historical data and/or anecdotes to illustrate the main points within the TRC report. Perhaps it would have been too lengthy to include, but for people who may not as familiar with the history of racism in America it can be really helpful to have a few key statistics or stories to really lock in the main points. To name one example, on pg. 12 the report references the divides on “the wrong side of the (railroad) tracks.” As someone who lives on the “wrong” side of the tracks, and because I know some of the history of red-lining, I understood what the report was implying, but I think some more explanation or history would have been helpful. Did red-lining happen in Carlisle the same way it did in other cities? Besides the neglected Union Cemetery in Memorial Park, are there instances where the Borough clearly underinvested in areas north of the tracks? Are there anecdotes that residents of this area can share of being underserved or neglected? I believe that all of this evidence probably exists, and it would strengthen the TRC report to include it. (Or at the very least, to make sure that these stories and evidence are made public in other venues, such as in the Sentinel, public gatherings, etc.). I imagine that it would be pretty easy to ask some Carlisle High school or Dickinson College students to work in gathering this data and summarizing it in an easy-to-digest format. Anti-racism work often involves building broad coalitions, and simple stories and anecdotes can really help in that regard.

-Given that the TRC was created by the Borough Council for the Borough Council, it makes sense that most of the recommendations center on things that the local government can do, whether through Borough programs, incentives, regulations, etc. It’s also possible that space in the report was limited and the decision was made to focus on the governmental side of things. However, for full progress to be made in our community we will also need to pay attention to and fully leverage the numerous other public, private, and non-profit institutions that operate in Carlisle on the front lines of equity work. Whether that’s the YWCA, the United Way, Rotary, Safe Harbors, etc., these institutions are on the front lines of caring for marginalized residents in Carlisle every day, and can thus have a disproportionate impact in the fight for justice. I also find it interesting that the only reference to Dickinson College or to “religious orders” in the TRC report are both somewhat negative, when both Dickinson and local communities of faith generally have an outsize role in our community–for better or for worse. They will inevitably need be a part of any further progress that is made in Carlisle. To put too much of the onus for anti-racism on local government officials and policies, without involving other entities –including ones that have historically been part of the problem!– could result in anti-racism efforts being hindered. To name just one example, efforts to create vibrant and affordable neighborhoods would benefit from open and honest conversations with institutions like Dickinson College or even the church I attend, New Life Community, which is currently hiring for a full-time position to work on housing access and affordability.

Now, as previously stated, overall I think the TRC did great work and my two concerns are not to detract from it, but rather just to elaborate on it some more. I hope and pray that the recommendations within this document are taken seriously in Carlisle and adopted (where possible) by the Borough Council.